Breast self-exams, long advocated as essential for early breast cancer detection, are now considered optional. What's stressed today is breast awareness, which involves being familiar with the normal consistency of your breasts and the underlying tissue.
Breast self-exams contribute greatly to breast awareness, teaching you how your breasts vary in sensitivity and texture at different times during your menstrual cycle and different stages of life. This sense of what's normal is known as breast familiarity.
Benefits of breast familiarity
When you know the normal feel of your breasts, it's easier to notice subtle but potentially serious changes. These changes may become apparent quickly, over the course of just a few months.
Say, for example, you feel a barely perceptible area of thickening in the upper quadrant of your breast, next to your arm. If you've become familiar with how your breasts look and feel, you know your breast usually feels completely smooth in that area. Without a tactile memory from having done many breast self-exams, though, you might not notice this difference. Detecting such a change should prompt you to see your doctor.
Although most breast abnormalities discovered on breast self-exams aren't cancers, a small proportion are. Some of those cancers are at an early stage, when prompt treatment can be lifesaving. That's why regular breast self-exams — examining your breasts in a way that's comfortable to you, with an awareness of what's normal for you — are particularly important if you're at increased risk of breast cancer.
To gain the greatest benefit from regular breast self-exams, ask your doctor to review your technique at your next checkup.
How to perform a breast self-exam
Start by looking closely at your breasts. Disrobe and stand in front of a mirror with your arms at your sides. While facing forward and turning from side to side, look for puckering, dimpling or changes in size, shape or symmetry. Check to see if your nipples are turned in (inverted). Inspect your breasts with your arms in two other positions: hands on your hips and hands raised overhead, palms pressed together.
Perform the manual part of the exam in the shower or lying down with no shirt or bra on.
If you choose the shower, lather your fingers and breasts with soap to help your fingers glide more smoothly over your wet skin. If you do the exam lying down, choose a bed or other flat surface to lie on.
Move your hand over your breast using one of three techniques: the clock pattern, the wedge pattern or the sweeping technique. No matter which method you choose, be sure to check your nipple for any discharge. Do this by gently pinching the nipple with your fingers positioned at 12 o'clock and 6 o'clock and again with your fingers at 3 o'clock and 9 o'clock.
Touching or gently pressing a breast lump may cause some discomfort. If you do detect any changes, such as a lump, thickening, asymmetry, dimpling, redness, nipple discharge or nipple inversion, see your doctor promptly.
Breast self-exam using a clock pattern
Visualize your breast as the face of a clock.
Place your left hand behind your head and examine your left breast with your right hand.
Place your right hand at 12 o'clock — at the very top of your breast.
Press the pads of your three middle fingers firmly on your breast in a slight circling, massaging motion.
Move your hand down to 1 o'clock, then 2 o'clock, continuing until you return to 12 o'clock.
Continue in the same pattern, moving your hand in smaller circles toward your nipple.
Check the tissue under the nipple and look for discharge.
Check the tissue under your armpit and surrounding your breast.
Place your right hand behind your head and repeat the examination on your right breast using your left hand.
Breast self-exam using a wedge pattern
Visualize your breast as a circle divided into wedges, like pieces of a pie.
Place your left hand behind your head and examine your left breast with your right hand.
Press the pads of your three middle fingers firmly on your breast in a slight circling, massaging motion.
Start at the top of your breast about a half-inch below your collarbone and slide your fingers in toward your nipple as you massage.
Examine the breast tissue in the entire wedge — or piece of pie.
Move your fingers clockwise to the next wedge in the circle.
Continue examining your breast in this manner until you've completely examined your breast and underarm.
Place your right hand behind your head and repeat the examination on your right breast using your left hand.
Breast self-exam using a sweeping technique
Place your left hand behind your head and examine your left breast with your right hand.
Instead of a circling, massaging motion, sweep your three middle fingers from your collarbone down to your nipple.
Work clockwise around your breast.
Sweep your fingers from the outside of your breast in toward your nipple.
To feel deeper breast tissue, repeat the process using a walking motion with your fingers.
Continue examining your breast in this manner until you've completely examined your breast and underarm.
Place your right hand behind your head and repeat the examination on your right breast using your left hand.
When should you start breast self-exams?
The American Cancer Society recommends that doctors inform women about the benefits and limitations of breast self-exams when they reach age 20. That's the age you should begin breast self-exams. Whether or not you perform breast self-exams, you should have a clinical breast exam by a health professional every three years until you're 40. After age 40, schedule a clinical breast exam and a mammogram every year.
What's the best time for breast self-exams?
The best time to perform a breast self-exam is about a week after the start of your period. That's when your breasts are least likely to be tender or swollen. Your breast tissue undergoes changes each month during your menstrual cycle. Changes in hormone levels associated with menstruation cause your breasts to swell. Once your period starts, the swelling subsides and your breasts return to normal.
During pregnancy and nursing, your breasts may feel more lumpy than usual. If you have any questions about how your breasts look or feel, don't hesitate to ask your doctor about them.
Pros and cons of breast self-exams
One benefit of breast self-exams is the potential to identify and treat a cancerous breast lump while it's still small and in an early stage of development. On the flip side, however, you might need a biopsy to evaluate an area of concern. If the biopsy results are noncancerous (benign), you might feel that you've undergone an invasive procedure unnecessarily. Breast self-exams may also be challenging if you have normally lumpy (fibrocystic) breasts.
Breast self-exams alone don't reduce the number of deaths from breast cancer. Breast self-exams can miss tumors, as can other methods of screening. That's why it's important to rely on more than one method to screen for breast cancer. A combined approach to breast cancer screening — including breast self-exams, clinical breast exams, mammography and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) for certain high risk women — increases your chances of finding breast cancer at an early, treatable stage.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Sex Toys, Vibrators & Pregnancy
We all know that pregnancy causes some amazing physical changes. But it can also usher in a wide variety of new thoughts and feelings, too -- not the least of which are sexual. During pregnancy, a woman is likely to have a host of questions about sex: Will having sex hurt the baby? Is it all right to use my vibrator? How can I keep sex satisfying to me and my partner while my body is changing?
Doctors typically touch on the sexual aspects of pregnancy only briefly, unless you make a point to discuss them in more detail. That's why we've created this resource to help you know where to begin when thinking about sex, pregnancy and sex toys. (www.passion-toys@blogspot.com)
First Things First: Ask Your Doctor
After you get pregnant, talk with your obstetrician about sexual activity during your very first visit. Most importantly, ask whether or not your doctor feels that it is safe for you to engage in regular sexual activity. If you're feeling gutsy, ask specifically about sex toy use. My hunch is that after being a bit surprised, she'll be happy you asked and provide you with the needed information.
That said, there has been no scientific research to date on the use of sex toys during pregnancy. As a result, your doctor may not be very knowledgeable in this area. However, if you're approved to continue regular sexual activity, there's no reason to believe that using sex toys would pose any harm to you or your baby, as sex toys mimic the same activities that we experience using our hands, tongues and other body parts.
The one exception to this theory is vibration. However, vibration in and of itself does not appear to be harmful to a pregnant woman's body or the unborn baby, given that the level of vibration emitted through toys is typically quite mild.
Orgasm Safety
For most healthy pregnant women, orgasm is totally safe and can also be a great tension release. However, keep in mind that orgasm is not recommended for those women who are at risk for or have a history of premature labor, or who have early cervical changes or placenta previa (a condition in which the placenta is positioned over the opening of the cervix). Also, there is some evidence to suggest that orgasm during the last stages of pregnancy can bring on early labor. Be sure to discuss these issues directly with your health care provider.
Some women worry that the uterine contractions following orgasm may shake the unborn baby around or out of place. This is simply not true. The baby is strongly rooted into the uterus and an orgasm here and there is not powerful enough to shake it loose. Feel free to have as many orgasms as you like during pregnancy, unless, of course, your doctor has suggested otherwise. Typically, there will be no difference in the risk between having orgasms during penetrative sex play or from clitoral stimulation alone.
Sexual Satisfaction During Pregnancy
It's essential to get the concrete facts from your physician about which sexual activities are okay and which are not okay. If your doctor gives sexual activity the green light, you're free to experiment with new toys, sex positions and sexual patterns (as well as keeping some of the old stuff around, too). There are plenty of issues you'll want to think about to assure you and your partner enjoy a satisfying sexual life during the many exciting months that you are pregnant.
Talk to Your Partner
Once you've been cleared for sexual activity by your doctor, there's another person you'll want to talk with: your partner. You might be a little nervous at first. Sometimes, pregnant women or their partners believe that pregnancy is not a sexy time, assuming that maternal instincts will override sexual desire and needs. This idea is simply not true. On the contrary, pregnancy can be a wonderful time of bonding and closeness for you and your partner, and that closeness includes sexuality. So use this amazing time to bring the two of you closer together.
Before you talk, take some time to do your own soul searching. Think about how you feel about yourself as a sexual being while you're pregnant. You might even want to make a list of sexual activities that you feel comfortable with during your pregnancy -- as well as a list of those you may not want to partake in. Once you know how you feel, you can begin to share your thoughts with your partner. Know that it's okay to only want certain types of sexual activity during your pregnancy. The important thing will be sharing your wants and needs in a clear and loving way, and caring about your partner's desires, as well.
If your partner wasn't with you at your OB/GYN appointment, you can start the conversation by sharing what you and your doctor discussed. This can open the lines of communication and clear the way for both of you to talk about your sexual and emotional needs over these next months. And remember, great communication often leads to fantastic sexual experiences!
Understand Your Physical Changes
Hormone levels increase by leaps and bounds soon after a woman conceives. These changes will influence your body long before you begin to show. These physical changes may include vaginal dryness or vaginal tightening. Both of these conditions can make vaginal intercourse uncomfortable at times. However, this discomfort can be greatly diminished by using lubricants during all types of sex play, including masturbation and partner sex.
Be Ready For Emotional Changes
Thanks to those same hormones, your emotions can also run high during pregnancy. Feelings can range from a rapid increase or decrease in sexual desire to being sad or anxious about the pregnancy or life in general. Be patient with yourself, and go with the flow during these ups and downs. As for your partner, he or she may well learn how to read you during these emotional times, but never assume the other person knows how you feel. By keeping the lines of communication open, you will make your sexual relationship -- and life in general -- go a whole lot smoother.
If you are a woman who has experienced a pregnancy loss in the past, you may be more apprehensive about engaging in sexual activities, fearing that it will put you at a higher risk for loss once again. Unless your physician has told you not to engage in certain or all sexual activities, try not to worry too much. If for any reason you feel uncomfortable with vaginal penetrative sex, try some other kind of sexual play, like using toys that concentrate only on clitoral or anal stimulation.
Good Sexual Positions for Pregnancy
If you're undergoing a normal, healthy pregnancy, there are no restrictions on the sexual positions you can use. As the pregnancy progresses and your body starts to change, some positions are likely to be more comfortable than others.
Rather than the typical missionary position, rear-entry with the woman standing, kneeling or lying on her side may be more comfortable. Or, try bending over the bed (supported as needed by pillows) with your partner standing and entering from behind. Sitting positions may also be a good option. Have your partner sit on a chair or on the edge of the bed and then straddle your legs around your partner's body.
You may be happy to know that the popular woman-on-top position is another good option during pregnancy. Try lowering yourself onto your partner, either facing forward or toward your partner's feet. This position puts you in the driver's seat, allowing you to have control over the levels of thrusting and penetration.
Doctors typically touch on the sexual aspects of pregnancy only briefly, unless you make a point to discuss them in more detail. That's why we've created this resource to help you know where to begin when thinking about sex, pregnancy and sex toys. (www.passion-toys@blogspot.com)
First Things First: Ask Your Doctor
After you get pregnant, talk with your obstetrician about sexual activity during your very first visit. Most importantly, ask whether or not your doctor feels that it is safe for you to engage in regular sexual activity. If you're feeling gutsy, ask specifically about sex toy use. My hunch is that after being a bit surprised, she'll be happy you asked and provide you with the needed information.
That said, there has been no scientific research to date on the use of sex toys during pregnancy. As a result, your doctor may not be very knowledgeable in this area. However, if you're approved to continue regular sexual activity, there's no reason to believe that using sex toys would pose any harm to you or your baby, as sex toys mimic the same activities that we experience using our hands, tongues and other body parts.
The one exception to this theory is vibration. However, vibration in and of itself does not appear to be harmful to a pregnant woman's body or the unborn baby, given that the level of vibration emitted through toys is typically quite mild.
Orgasm Safety
For most healthy pregnant women, orgasm is totally safe and can also be a great tension release. However, keep in mind that orgasm is not recommended for those women who are at risk for or have a history of premature labor, or who have early cervical changes or placenta previa (a condition in which the placenta is positioned over the opening of the cervix). Also, there is some evidence to suggest that orgasm during the last stages of pregnancy can bring on early labor. Be sure to discuss these issues directly with your health care provider.
Some women worry that the uterine contractions following orgasm may shake the unborn baby around or out of place. This is simply not true. The baby is strongly rooted into the uterus and an orgasm here and there is not powerful enough to shake it loose. Feel free to have as many orgasms as you like during pregnancy, unless, of course, your doctor has suggested otherwise. Typically, there will be no difference in the risk between having orgasms during penetrative sex play or from clitoral stimulation alone.
Sexual Satisfaction During Pregnancy
It's essential to get the concrete facts from your physician about which sexual activities are okay and which are not okay. If your doctor gives sexual activity the green light, you're free to experiment with new toys, sex positions and sexual patterns (as well as keeping some of the old stuff around, too). There are plenty of issues you'll want to think about to assure you and your partner enjoy a satisfying sexual life during the many exciting months that you are pregnant.
Talk to Your Partner
Once you've been cleared for sexual activity by your doctor, there's another person you'll want to talk with: your partner. You might be a little nervous at first. Sometimes, pregnant women or their partners believe that pregnancy is not a sexy time, assuming that maternal instincts will override sexual desire and needs. This idea is simply not true. On the contrary, pregnancy can be a wonderful time of bonding and closeness for you and your partner, and that closeness includes sexuality. So use this amazing time to bring the two of you closer together.
Before you talk, take some time to do your own soul searching. Think about how you feel about yourself as a sexual being while you're pregnant. You might even want to make a list of sexual activities that you feel comfortable with during your pregnancy -- as well as a list of those you may not want to partake in. Once you know how you feel, you can begin to share your thoughts with your partner. Know that it's okay to only want certain types of sexual activity during your pregnancy. The important thing will be sharing your wants and needs in a clear and loving way, and caring about your partner's desires, as well.
If your partner wasn't with you at your OB/GYN appointment, you can start the conversation by sharing what you and your doctor discussed. This can open the lines of communication and clear the way for both of you to talk about your sexual and emotional needs over these next months. And remember, great communication often leads to fantastic sexual experiences!
Understand Your Physical Changes
Hormone levels increase by leaps and bounds soon after a woman conceives. These changes will influence your body long before you begin to show. These physical changes may include vaginal dryness or vaginal tightening. Both of these conditions can make vaginal intercourse uncomfortable at times. However, this discomfort can be greatly diminished by using lubricants during all types of sex play, including masturbation and partner sex.
Be Ready For Emotional Changes
Thanks to those same hormones, your emotions can also run high during pregnancy. Feelings can range from a rapid increase or decrease in sexual desire to being sad or anxious about the pregnancy or life in general. Be patient with yourself, and go with the flow during these ups and downs. As for your partner, he or she may well learn how to read you during these emotional times, but never assume the other person knows how you feel. By keeping the lines of communication open, you will make your sexual relationship -- and life in general -- go a whole lot smoother.
If you are a woman who has experienced a pregnancy loss in the past, you may be more apprehensive about engaging in sexual activities, fearing that it will put you at a higher risk for loss once again. Unless your physician has told you not to engage in certain or all sexual activities, try not to worry too much. If for any reason you feel uncomfortable with vaginal penetrative sex, try some other kind of sexual play, like using toys that concentrate only on clitoral or anal stimulation.
Good Sexual Positions for Pregnancy
If you're undergoing a normal, healthy pregnancy, there are no restrictions on the sexual positions you can use. As the pregnancy progresses and your body starts to change, some positions are likely to be more comfortable than others.
Rather than the typical missionary position, rear-entry with the woman standing, kneeling or lying on her side may be more comfortable. Or, try bending over the bed (supported as needed by pillows) with your partner standing and entering from behind. Sitting positions may also be a good option. Have your partner sit on a chair or on the edge of the bed and then straddle your legs around your partner's body.
You may be happy to know that the popular woman-on-top position is another good option during pregnancy. Try lowering yourself onto your partner, either facing forward or toward your partner's feet. This position puts you in the driver's seat, allowing you to have control over the levels of thrusting and penetration.
How To Strip Your Partner
Have you ever watched Striptease and thought, "Why the hell am I watching this movie?" And then, perhaps, "I've always wanted to spin around a pole like that." Would you be surprised to know you're not alone?
The truth is, most women I've talked to have, at one time or another, fantasized about being a stripper. Many have even tried out some moves on their lovers. Sound like fun? It is! A striptease is a great way to show your partner how sexy you think you are, and believe me, he or she will agree.
Step 1: Preparation
I'm not going to tell you that a spontaneous strip will not make jaws drop. I think we can all agree that anything that involves you removing your own clothes in front of your sweetie will be applauded. However, if you really want to treat your "customer" to something special, plan an actual striptease show.
Before the music even begins, well, you must pick it. Obviously, keep your and your partner's tastes in mind, but know that it's not quite going to have the same effect if you're seductively removing clothing to, say, something by Hanson or Metallica. Try to choose something that's got a slow-ish tempo so you can take your time and really tease. Just make sure it's not too slow as the song may end and you'll only have a couple of pieces off.
Next, you have to plan what you're going to wear. Now there may be some shopping involved here, but you won't have to spend much money. In fact, don't -- there's a good chance that once you're down to your undergarments, they will be ripped right off your body! Start from your bottom layer and work your way out. Your final "outfit" is the showstopper -- this is a strip TEASE, remember -- so get something you KNOW will drive your honey mad. It can be a tiny bra and g-string combo, maybe a corset -- whatever makes you feel sexy and desirable.
Once that's accomplished, you can pretty much pick whatever's in your closet for the outer layer. A good, "naughty" choice is always the Lolita-esque, schoolgirl look, but you may choose anything really. You could go the button-down business route -- a tie would later make a great prop (think looping behind his or her head to pull it into your breasts; things along those lines). The sky's the limit!
Finally, accessories. This includes everything you might need for a theme (glasses, hats, ties, etc.) as well as the all-important thigh highs (or garter belt and stockings) and stiletto heels. A word of caution here: make sure you can actually move around and dance in these shoes. While I realize that stilettos don't generally come in heights under three inches, some are easier to maneuver in than others. If you don't happen to have any in your closet, ask a friend.
Other accessories that are fun to include are long necklaces (they look amazing when you're down to the essentials -- trust me), long gloves and feather boas.
Step 2: Practice
You're not auditioning for the next Star Search so I don't mean that you need to choreograph a huge number. Simply listen to the music you've chosen a few times and move to it. It doesn't have to be spins and splits, just movement. Once you're comfortable with that, do a dry run with your costume on to figure out when and what you'll be removing. Again, this is a tease, so make it slow, make it sexy. This will also give you an opportunity to rethink your costume if anything is too difficult to unbutton or unhook -- you don't want your come-hither dance to turn into a Chevy Chase pratfall.
Step 3: Showtime!
Do not be nervous. This is fun. If it causes you any undue embarrassment or discomfort, then you shouldn't be doing it. I understand there will be some butterflies -- it's perfectly natural, but realize that if you feel seductive and desirable, so will your audience. Plus, you're performing for your lover who (hopefully) already finds you seductive and desirable!
If you can, dim the lights a bit. Barring that, turn out the lights, but light lots of candles. Strut your beautiful self out there and start your music. If you really want to drive him or her to distraction, climb up on a coffee table or anything that puts you up a little higher. (Please, please, if you do this, make sure your stage is sturdy ahead of time. I think we can all imagine how quickly a trip to the ER would kill the mood.) Merely sway suggestively for a bit without actually removing anything. Do remember to turn from time to time, especially if your sweetheart is particularly enamored with your backside. Do a little booty shaking. If your hair is up, let it down and softly whip it back and forth. Check the look on your lover's face. Has the mouth slackened a bit? Then it's time to move on to the good stuff.
Start with something innocuous -- a glove is great. Very slowly push the glove down your arm, then with your teeth, suggestively pull at the cloth on each finger. Once your glove is loose enough to pull off, do so, but again, slowly. Then throw it at your lover. Please don't wing it at him or her; it sort of ruins the mood. At any rate, you may then move on to whatever you choose with two exceptions: your thigh highs (or garter and stockings) and your shoes. These should stay on until you're down to your dainties. I must ask you to trust me again.
No matter what you're removing, the key is to do it as slowly as possible. Tease. Unbutton your blouse and only let your shoulder or a part of your back show before your shirt makes it all the way off. Flash your partner, then quickly close your blouse. Spin around to give him or her several tantalizing angles. Then do the same with your skirt; simply lift it to expose a thigh, then quickly flip it up in back for a peek-a-boo shot of your butt. Make your partner wait. And always toss the removed garment at your captivated audience.
When you are finally free of the confines of your outfit, continue to move and dance seductively. This is when the long necklace comes in quite handy. Not only will it sway beautifully, but it will also draw attention to your breasts, which is a good thing. Now this may sound ridiculous, but honestly, your lover may not know what to focus on and you will then laugh from his or her eyeballs jittering out of their sockets.
You are now down to your underpinnings, shoes and stockings. Let your lover enjoy this for a few moments before you tantalizingly, excruciatingly, slowly roll each stocking down your leg (obviously, if you're going the garter belt route, you'll want to undo those first). Try propping your leg on something that's close by your sweetie, like the arm of the sofa or chair, while you're doing this. Once you get to your ankle, slide your shoe off long enough to get the stocking off, then put your shoes back on and continue dancing.
Now that your sweetie is a quivering mass of jelly, climb down from the stage or slowly make your way over to him or her, and tease for a few more moments before surprising them with an impromptu lap dance. Or, if you'd rather, merely strut into the bedroom. It may take them a moment to register, but I can guarantee they will be in shortly!
Believe me, once you've done a striptease for your favorite playmate, you'll want to do more. And I can guarantee he or she will want you to, as well. The main point to remember is this is a fun exercise that will titillate both of you. Plus, it'll be something you can talk about for years to come and even plan new shows together. So go buy some hot undies and get stripping!
The truth is, most women I've talked to have, at one time or another, fantasized about being a stripper. Many have even tried out some moves on their lovers. Sound like fun? It is! A striptease is a great way to show your partner how sexy you think you are, and believe me, he or she will agree.
Step 1: Preparation
I'm not going to tell you that a spontaneous strip will not make jaws drop. I think we can all agree that anything that involves you removing your own clothes in front of your sweetie will be applauded. However, if you really want to treat your "customer" to something special, plan an actual striptease show.
Before the music even begins, well, you must pick it. Obviously, keep your and your partner's tastes in mind, but know that it's not quite going to have the same effect if you're seductively removing clothing to, say, something by Hanson or Metallica. Try to choose something that's got a slow-ish tempo so you can take your time and really tease. Just make sure it's not too slow as the song may end and you'll only have a couple of pieces off.
Next, you have to plan what you're going to wear. Now there may be some shopping involved here, but you won't have to spend much money. In fact, don't -- there's a good chance that once you're down to your undergarments, they will be ripped right off your body! Start from your bottom layer and work your way out. Your final "outfit" is the showstopper -- this is a strip TEASE, remember -- so get something you KNOW will drive your honey mad. It can be a tiny bra and g-string combo, maybe a corset -- whatever makes you feel sexy and desirable.
Once that's accomplished, you can pretty much pick whatever's in your closet for the outer layer. A good, "naughty" choice is always the Lolita-esque, schoolgirl look, but you may choose anything really. You could go the button-down business route -- a tie would later make a great prop (think looping behind his or her head to pull it into your breasts; things along those lines). The sky's the limit!
Finally, accessories. This includes everything you might need for a theme (glasses, hats, ties, etc.) as well as the all-important thigh highs (or garter belt and stockings) and stiletto heels. A word of caution here: make sure you can actually move around and dance in these shoes. While I realize that stilettos don't generally come in heights under three inches, some are easier to maneuver in than others. If you don't happen to have any in your closet, ask a friend.
Other accessories that are fun to include are long necklaces (they look amazing when you're down to the essentials -- trust me), long gloves and feather boas.
Step 2: Practice
You're not auditioning for the next Star Search so I don't mean that you need to choreograph a huge number. Simply listen to the music you've chosen a few times and move to it. It doesn't have to be spins and splits, just movement. Once you're comfortable with that, do a dry run with your costume on to figure out when and what you'll be removing. Again, this is a tease, so make it slow, make it sexy. This will also give you an opportunity to rethink your costume if anything is too difficult to unbutton or unhook -- you don't want your come-hither dance to turn into a Chevy Chase pratfall.
Step 3: Showtime!
Do not be nervous. This is fun. If it causes you any undue embarrassment or discomfort, then you shouldn't be doing it. I understand there will be some butterflies -- it's perfectly natural, but realize that if you feel seductive and desirable, so will your audience. Plus, you're performing for your lover who (hopefully) already finds you seductive and desirable!
If you can, dim the lights a bit. Barring that, turn out the lights, but light lots of candles. Strut your beautiful self out there and start your music. If you really want to drive him or her to distraction, climb up on a coffee table or anything that puts you up a little higher. (Please, please, if you do this, make sure your stage is sturdy ahead of time. I think we can all imagine how quickly a trip to the ER would kill the mood.) Merely sway suggestively for a bit without actually removing anything. Do remember to turn from time to time, especially if your sweetheart is particularly enamored with your backside. Do a little booty shaking. If your hair is up, let it down and softly whip it back and forth. Check the look on your lover's face. Has the mouth slackened a bit? Then it's time to move on to the good stuff.
Start with something innocuous -- a glove is great. Very slowly push the glove down your arm, then with your teeth, suggestively pull at the cloth on each finger. Once your glove is loose enough to pull off, do so, but again, slowly. Then throw it at your lover. Please don't wing it at him or her; it sort of ruins the mood. At any rate, you may then move on to whatever you choose with two exceptions: your thigh highs (or garter and stockings) and your shoes. These should stay on until you're down to your dainties. I must ask you to trust me again.
No matter what you're removing, the key is to do it as slowly as possible. Tease. Unbutton your blouse and only let your shoulder or a part of your back show before your shirt makes it all the way off. Flash your partner, then quickly close your blouse. Spin around to give him or her several tantalizing angles. Then do the same with your skirt; simply lift it to expose a thigh, then quickly flip it up in back for a peek-a-boo shot of your butt. Make your partner wait. And always toss the removed garment at your captivated audience.
When you are finally free of the confines of your outfit, continue to move and dance seductively. This is when the long necklace comes in quite handy. Not only will it sway beautifully, but it will also draw attention to your breasts, which is a good thing. Now this may sound ridiculous, but honestly, your lover may not know what to focus on and you will then laugh from his or her eyeballs jittering out of their sockets.
You are now down to your underpinnings, shoes and stockings. Let your lover enjoy this for a few moments before you tantalizingly, excruciatingly, slowly roll each stocking down your leg (obviously, if you're going the garter belt route, you'll want to undo those first). Try propping your leg on something that's close by your sweetie, like the arm of the sofa or chair, while you're doing this. Once you get to your ankle, slide your shoe off long enough to get the stocking off, then put your shoes back on and continue dancing.
Now that your sweetie is a quivering mass of jelly, climb down from the stage or slowly make your way over to him or her, and tease for a few more moments before surprising them with an impromptu lap dance. Or, if you'd rather, merely strut into the bedroom. It may take them a moment to register, but I can guarantee they will be in shortly!
Believe me, once you've done a striptease for your favorite playmate, you'll want to do more. And I can guarantee he or she will want you to, as well. The main point to remember is this is a fun exercise that will titillate both of you. Plus, it'll be something you can talk about for years to come and even plan new shows together. So go buy some hot undies and get stripping!
Sex And The Nation
Carrie. Samantha. Miranda. Charlotte. I know you know who I'm talking about, and if you don't, well, I'd suggest you move along because you will get nothing out of this article. I say this with love, naturally, but still, really, you should go.
From the beginning, Sex and the City ® has been different. Based on Candace Bushnell's series of New York Observer columns (which are, in turn, loosely based on her own single-gal adventures), Sex and the City ® not only shows fabulous clothes and shoes and places to be, but also portrays -- in great detail -- all things sexual: men having sex, women having sex. At any given time, someone on the show is having sex -- and it's about time!
The show itself is essentially just about four women living and working in New York City. However, watching an episode is like being a fly on the wall of any group of close friends -- albeit, really well paid, fashion-forward friends with incredible jobs. There's career-driven Miranda, princessy, marriage-minded Charlotte, narcissistic, "slutty" Samantha and neurotic gal-pal Carrie.
Why do they affect us the way they do? Because they're each composites of women we are, women we know and women we want to be. They talk about sex the way we do with our friends, with all the minute details, embarrassing moments, ecstatic orgasms and the other horrible and wonderful things that go along with sexual encounters.
A case in point is the first season episode that introduces the Rabbit Pearl. An entire story arc was devoted to Charlotte's discovery of and obsession with this little bunny-shaped vibe. In the end, her friends had to perform an intervention because Charlotte was blowing them off to spend time with her new friend. Now, honestly, who hasn't wanted to call in sick to work or cancel plans to spend time with a vibrating playmate? Anyone? Just me? Yes, um, well, moving right along then...
Sex and the City ® certainly does not shy away from sex toys of any kind. Over the past few years on the show, we've seen a plethora of interesting toys, including the Love Swing, a strap-on dildo, a whip and even fake nipples! Nor does Sex and the City ® consider any topic taboo: We've seen female ejaculation, hot lesbian sex and a gentleman into "water sports." I remember well the episode in which Carrie was finally relaxed enough in bed with Mr. Big that she accidentally, uh, "shared" a little too much. Her toot -- and the mortification of trying to deal with it -- must have hit home with many ladies. I'm not naming names.
As far out as some of the episodes have been, there's always something folks can relate to. Not too long ago, a friend of mine described to me a surreal scene in which her mom and she were actually discussing the merits and drawbacks of fake nipples in a semi-serious way. The discussion apparently evolved from to a debate on vibrators! This little tête-à-tête, from two women who previously had barely ever referenced sex and sensuality, particularly their own, was remarkable.
Am I suggesting that the mere mention of a sex toy on a television show will open up glorious paths of enlightenment and intimacy with those near and dear? Well, no, but the fact that the topic is sex lets the whole idea of sexuality, and everything that means to different people, creep a little closer to the mainstream. Which I think is wonderful … and not just because I'm in the "industry"!
I find myself having conversations with friends about very personal sexual situations that we certainly never discussed in the past. True, that's partially because I work for a sex toy company, but I really have noticed those around me have opened up and shared more because it seems more socially acceptable. I've become much more frank and experimental with my own boyfriend, because I feel comfortable enough to do so.
I've seen and heard almost everything there is about many different aspects of sex -- through work, the media, movies, television, books, personal experience -- and realized that my own wants and fantasies aren't that weird. Just the fact that I'm able to share these little nuggets of information is hard to imagine even a couple of years ago and I've never considered myself a prude. Honestly, I think more and more people out there are feeling the same way. For that, I have to give credit to Sex and the City
The bottom line is that we need a fresh, groundbreaking show like Sex and the City to remind us that while sex can be many things, it's not wrong or bad. Sex is a messy, complicated, pleasurable joy. It's embarrassing and funny and weird. Keep that in mind the next time you're hesitant to tell your partner you can only have an orgasm if you're on top or that giving a blowjob doesn't really entail any blowing. Perhaps ask yourself, "What would Carrie do?"
From the beginning, Sex and the City ® has been different. Based on Candace Bushnell's series of New York Observer columns (which are, in turn, loosely based on her own single-gal adventures), Sex and the City ® not only shows fabulous clothes and shoes and places to be, but also portrays -- in great detail -- all things sexual: men having sex, women having sex. At any given time, someone on the show is having sex -- and it's about time!
The show itself is essentially just about four women living and working in New York City. However, watching an episode is like being a fly on the wall of any group of close friends -- albeit, really well paid, fashion-forward friends with incredible jobs. There's career-driven Miranda, princessy, marriage-minded Charlotte, narcissistic, "slutty" Samantha and neurotic gal-pal Carrie.
Why do they affect us the way they do? Because they're each composites of women we are, women we know and women we want to be. They talk about sex the way we do with our friends, with all the minute details, embarrassing moments, ecstatic orgasms and the other horrible and wonderful things that go along with sexual encounters.
A case in point is the first season episode that introduces the Rabbit Pearl. An entire story arc was devoted to Charlotte's discovery of and obsession with this little bunny-shaped vibe. In the end, her friends had to perform an intervention because Charlotte was blowing them off to spend time with her new friend. Now, honestly, who hasn't wanted to call in sick to work or cancel plans to spend time with a vibrating playmate? Anyone? Just me? Yes, um, well, moving right along then...
Sex and the City ® certainly does not shy away from sex toys of any kind. Over the past few years on the show, we've seen a plethora of interesting toys, including the Love Swing, a strap-on dildo, a whip and even fake nipples! Nor does Sex and the City ® consider any topic taboo: We've seen female ejaculation, hot lesbian sex and a gentleman into "water sports." I remember well the episode in which Carrie was finally relaxed enough in bed with Mr. Big that she accidentally, uh, "shared" a little too much. Her toot -- and the mortification of trying to deal with it -- must have hit home with many ladies. I'm not naming names.
As far out as some of the episodes have been, there's always something folks can relate to. Not too long ago, a friend of mine described to me a surreal scene in which her mom and she were actually discussing the merits and drawbacks of fake nipples in a semi-serious way. The discussion apparently evolved from to a debate on vibrators! This little tête-à-tête, from two women who previously had barely ever referenced sex and sensuality, particularly their own, was remarkable.
Am I suggesting that the mere mention of a sex toy on a television show will open up glorious paths of enlightenment and intimacy with those near and dear? Well, no, but the fact that the topic is sex lets the whole idea of sexuality, and everything that means to different people, creep a little closer to the mainstream. Which I think is wonderful … and not just because I'm in the "industry"!
I find myself having conversations with friends about very personal sexual situations that we certainly never discussed in the past. True, that's partially because I work for a sex toy company, but I really have noticed those around me have opened up and shared more because it seems more socially acceptable. I've become much more frank and experimental with my own boyfriend, because I feel comfortable enough to do so.
I've seen and heard almost everything there is about many different aspects of sex -- through work, the media, movies, television, books, personal experience -- and realized that my own wants and fantasies aren't that weird. Just the fact that I'm able to share these little nuggets of information is hard to imagine even a couple of years ago and I've never considered myself a prude. Honestly, I think more and more people out there are feeling the same way. For that, I have to give credit to Sex and the City
The bottom line is that we need a fresh, groundbreaking show like Sex and the City to remind us that while sex can be many things, it's not wrong or bad. Sex is a messy, complicated, pleasurable joy. It's embarrassing and funny and weird. Keep that in mind the next time you're hesitant to tell your partner you can only have an orgasm if you're on top or that giving a blowjob doesn't really entail any blowing. Perhaps ask yourself, "What would Carrie do?"
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Your Ex-Relationship: Get Over It or Get Even
There is no pain greater than being rejected by someone we believed was The One. A million and one reminders of the person who hurt you haunt you day in and day out. Just looking at the spot on the couch where your ex once sat can reduce you to tears in an instant. You alternate between hoping your ex will come back to you and mentally convincing yourself that you'll never, ever find somebody who was as wonderful as the person who’s just left you.
You also alternate between wanting to get over your ex and move on with your life, and wanting to really stick it to them and get even. There are some pros and cons to both approaches, and some healthy ways to go about undertaking both courses of action.
Of course, you can't really get even with your ex until you get over your ex, so let's start there.
Getting Over It
"I'll never get over my ex!" That's what we all say, but you will -- I promise. Just give yourself the time and space you need to heal the hurt. Taking one (or all) of the suggestions below will help you do just that.
Write Your Ex a Letter. Don't Mail It.
Remember when your ex was breaking up with you and all you could do was stutter? You couldn't find the words to say everything you wanted your ex to know? You wanted to yell at them and tell them how much you hated them for breaking up with you. You wanted to point out all their faults. Most of all, you wanted to tell them how much they hurt you.
It’s not too late to expunge all these thoughts and feelings. Put them all down on paper -- writing a letter to your ex will help you get all the things you wanted to say out of your system, transferring destructive and depressing thoughts from your mind to paper. Then, just throw the letter away. Burn it. Whatever you do, don’t send it. There's no need to re-open your partially healed wound.
Shop Till You Drop
Don't kid yourself -- retail therapy works! Buy yourself something nice to remind yourself you're a person who deserves good things. Or set up a reward system: for each week you get through without begging your ex to come back to you, buy yourself something you’ve been longing for, a new CD, a book, some clothes, whatever makes you happy.
The Big List
Face it, no matter how perfect you thought your ex was, he or she probably had a lot of faults. Write them down. Make a list of everything that was wrong with your ex and post it somewhere you can't miss it, like on the refrigerator. Use a highlighter to point out the facets of your ex that made you the angriest, like his penchant for sleeping around, or her incessant nagging. The more you remind yourself this person wasn't your perfect match, the sooner you'll be ready to find somebody who is.
Clean and Reorganize
Post-breakup is a great time to clean your home from top to bottom. First, it gives you a chance to get rid of all those nasty little reminders of your ex in one big sweep. Secondly, it will give you the feeling that you're starting clean as well. And finally, you can rearrange the furniture so all the memories associated with your ex, such as him sitting on the same chair in the same position, will start to go away. Go out and buy some new bed linens and curtains, if that will help. Start with the apartment, then clean and reorganize the rest of your life!
Alanis is Your Friend
By far and away, most people agree that the greatest break-up song of all time is Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know. Buy the CD and play it, loudly, until you feel better. Scream along with it if you want -- your neighbors will understand.
The Dart Board and the Bonfire: Not Just Urban Myths
It sounds ridiculous, I know, but throwing darts at your ex's picture or burning all their things will help you feel better. Almost every single woman and man I talked to for this article did one of these things at one time or another. It's a way of venting your anger without having to yell and scream at the people themselves. Just make sure you keep it in perspective -- don’t set the house on fire!
The Only Rule to Follow: No Sex With the Ex!
Look, I know it will be tempting, and the longer your relationship before you broke up, the more likely there will be a night where the two of you consider hitting the sack together again, just for old times sake. However, when this happens, keep one thing in mind: YOU BROKE UP. You will never get over your ex if the two of you have sex after the break up. While it might be nice to fantasize that once your ex gets naked with you again, he or she will realize the two of you were meant to be, it's much more likely that the next morning will be awkward and things between you will end up being worse instead of better. So when you see your ex out in a social setting and you're contemplating asking them for one more roll in the hay, just for the heck of it, repeat to yourself: NO SEX WITH THE EX.
The Leap: Accept It’s Really Over
This is, by far, the hardest step in getting over your ex, but it's also the most important. You have to find a way to accept that it's over, to not daydream at work about the phone call you just know is coming where your ex tells you how wrong they were and how they never want to be away from you again. This step usually involves a lot of crying, but that's natural. You've suffered a huge loss, and you need to work through it. Talking to friends, staying active and starting to go out on dates with other people will help you with this. The important part, though, is believing it. You have to know it's over and your ex isn't coming back to you. It will be painful, but you have to work through this part. Holding on to the belief that your relationship isn't over means you'll never get on with the rest of your life.
Getting Even With Your Ex
Most people want to do this immediately after a break up. And why not? Revenge is the best medicine for what ails you, right? Many people confess to using any combination of sex, rumors and lies to get back at their ex after a breakup. While this tactic makes for some amazing made-for-TV movie plots, it actually isn't very healthy. Revenge keeps you fixated on the negative parts of breaking up, instead of the positive parts of moving on. However, there are two really fabulous ways to get back at your ex after a breakup:
Be happy.
Make sure your ex knows you're happy.
It won't be easy. It might not even be truthful at some points. But the best way to get back at an ex who dumped you and hurt you is to move on, be happy and eventually find somebody else.
Relationships aren't perfect, and most of us have to go through a lot of failed ones before we find the one that sticks. Every time a relationship ends, it hurts. The key, though, is to learn from each relationship and figure out what worked and what didn’t, so we make better choices the next time. Getting even is fun, but getting over it and moving on makes us better people who are ready for the next, better person who comes along. And who knows, that next person may really be The One!
You also alternate between wanting to get over your ex and move on with your life, and wanting to really stick it to them and get even. There are some pros and cons to both approaches, and some healthy ways to go about undertaking both courses of action.
Of course, you can't really get even with your ex until you get over your ex, so let's start there.
Getting Over It
"I'll never get over my ex!" That's what we all say, but you will -- I promise. Just give yourself the time and space you need to heal the hurt. Taking one (or all) of the suggestions below will help you do just that.
Write Your Ex a Letter. Don't Mail It.
Remember when your ex was breaking up with you and all you could do was stutter? You couldn't find the words to say everything you wanted your ex to know? You wanted to yell at them and tell them how much you hated them for breaking up with you. You wanted to point out all their faults. Most of all, you wanted to tell them how much they hurt you.
It’s not too late to expunge all these thoughts and feelings. Put them all down on paper -- writing a letter to your ex will help you get all the things you wanted to say out of your system, transferring destructive and depressing thoughts from your mind to paper. Then, just throw the letter away. Burn it. Whatever you do, don’t send it. There's no need to re-open your partially healed wound.
Shop Till You Drop
Don't kid yourself -- retail therapy works! Buy yourself something nice to remind yourself you're a person who deserves good things. Or set up a reward system: for each week you get through without begging your ex to come back to you, buy yourself something you’ve been longing for, a new CD, a book, some clothes, whatever makes you happy.
The Big List
Face it, no matter how perfect you thought your ex was, he or she probably had a lot of faults. Write them down. Make a list of everything that was wrong with your ex and post it somewhere you can't miss it, like on the refrigerator. Use a highlighter to point out the facets of your ex that made you the angriest, like his penchant for sleeping around, or her incessant nagging. The more you remind yourself this person wasn't your perfect match, the sooner you'll be ready to find somebody who is.
Clean and Reorganize
Post-breakup is a great time to clean your home from top to bottom. First, it gives you a chance to get rid of all those nasty little reminders of your ex in one big sweep. Secondly, it will give you the feeling that you're starting clean as well. And finally, you can rearrange the furniture so all the memories associated with your ex, such as him sitting on the same chair in the same position, will start to go away. Go out and buy some new bed linens and curtains, if that will help. Start with the apartment, then clean and reorganize the rest of your life!
Alanis is Your Friend
By far and away, most people agree that the greatest break-up song of all time is Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know. Buy the CD and play it, loudly, until you feel better. Scream along with it if you want -- your neighbors will understand.
The Dart Board and the Bonfire: Not Just Urban Myths
It sounds ridiculous, I know, but throwing darts at your ex's picture or burning all their things will help you feel better. Almost every single woman and man I talked to for this article did one of these things at one time or another. It's a way of venting your anger without having to yell and scream at the people themselves. Just make sure you keep it in perspective -- don’t set the house on fire!
The Only Rule to Follow: No Sex With the Ex!
Look, I know it will be tempting, and the longer your relationship before you broke up, the more likely there will be a night where the two of you consider hitting the sack together again, just for old times sake. However, when this happens, keep one thing in mind: YOU BROKE UP. You will never get over your ex if the two of you have sex after the break up. While it might be nice to fantasize that once your ex gets naked with you again, he or she will realize the two of you were meant to be, it's much more likely that the next morning will be awkward and things between you will end up being worse instead of better. So when you see your ex out in a social setting and you're contemplating asking them for one more roll in the hay, just for the heck of it, repeat to yourself: NO SEX WITH THE EX.
The Leap: Accept It’s Really Over
This is, by far, the hardest step in getting over your ex, but it's also the most important. You have to find a way to accept that it's over, to not daydream at work about the phone call you just know is coming where your ex tells you how wrong they were and how they never want to be away from you again. This step usually involves a lot of crying, but that's natural. You've suffered a huge loss, and you need to work through it. Talking to friends, staying active and starting to go out on dates with other people will help you with this. The important part, though, is believing it. You have to know it's over and your ex isn't coming back to you. It will be painful, but you have to work through this part. Holding on to the belief that your relationship isn't over means you'll never get on with the rest of your life.
Getting Even With Your Ex
Most people want to do this immediately after a break up. And why not? Revenge is the best medicine for what ails you, right? Many people confess to using any combination of sex, rumors and lies to get back at their ex after a breakup. While this tactic makes for some amazing made-for-TV movie plots, it actually isn't very healthy. Revenge keeps you fixated on the negative parts of breaking up, instead of the positive parts of moving on. However, there are two really fabulous ways to get back at your ex after a breakup:
Be happy.
Make sure your ex knows you're happy.
It won't be easy. It might not even be truthful at some points. But the best way to get back at an ex who dumped you and hurt you is to move on, be happy and eventually find somebody else.
Relationships aren't perfect, and most of us have to go through a lot of failed ones before we find the one that sticks. Every time a relationship ends, it hurts. The key, though, is to learn from each relationship and figure out what worked and what didn’t, so we make better choices the next time. Getting even is fun, but getting over it and moving on makes us better people who are ready for the next, better person who comes along. And who knows, that next person may really be The One!
The Lost Art of Kissing
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Think back to the days when you and the love of your life (or of the moment) kissed; either for the first time ever or the first time for the two of you. Remember how exciting and passionate and raw it was? And how it could go on for hours? Well, it's time to take back the kiss as a sensual act unto itself, not just a prelude to "the act."
"Why?" I'm sure you're asking. "Why in the name of all that is holy would you talk about taking a step back? We're sexually active adults, so why shouldn't kissing continue to be foreplay that eventually leads to more?" Now we are not saying that we need to ban sex. I just think that limiting how far we go from time to time would actually go a long way toward making our sexual experiences richer and even more enjoyable.
First, let's talk a little about why this is a good idea - aside from just being plain ol' fun:
It will take you back to your more innocent days.
And yes, that can be a good thing. No matter how much of an, uh, experienced lass or lad you are, there was a time B.I. - Before Intercourse. A time when everyone knew what the limits were, so there was no pressure about going further. You could just enjoy the moment and all of the new feelings. Of course, there was always the idea of sex in the back of everyone's mind - that's what made the making out so "dangerous" - but for the most part, no one had to seriously confront that issue, so it was just hours of glorious liplock.
You'll be reminded of why you were attracted to your partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend in the first place.
That first kiss in a relationship is so many things - excitement, nervousness, an assessment. (Yes, it's true; we equate the way our partners kiss with how good they'll be while horizontally engaged. This should not come as a surprise to anyone.) It's also the first time we feel that spark - that electrical feeling that jolts us when chemistry is happening between two people. It's giddy, it's arousing, and it can be recaptured.
OK, so you're hopefully warming up to this experiment. Now, how to implement it? I'll be the first to admit that this may take a little cunning - particularly if you're currently in a relationship that has crossed the sexual border many, many times. You don't want to be a complete tease or make your partner think that you aren't attracted to him or her anymore, but you also need to control the situation. So, the most important thing is to undertake this semi-spontaneously. Don't plan an Intercourse Embargo when you've got a special night on the horizon - romantic dinner, an anniversary, etc. - because frankly, that's just cruel.
It will take a bit of resolve on your part as well, because, let's face it, we enjoy having sex with our partners. And honestly, if things do progress to the point of no return, there's certainly no harm in it. You'll just have to try again. and how is that a bad thing? That said, here are my suggestions for a successful Kissing Coup:
Take your love by surprise.
Some of the most exciting kisses are the ones we're not expecting. They don't even have to be soulful, tongue-twisting extravaganzas, either. The next time you're just sitting quietly together or even out walking around, try grabbing your sweetie and laying one on their lips - you'll both be surprised by how satisfying it can be. Just be mindful of where you are, and if things do start to get hot and heavy, do everyone a favor and find a more private spot.
Stay dressed.
Make sure you're fully clothed before you commit to this endeavor. You're only tempting feelings of rejection if you prance around in something skimpy beforehand and then try to convince your kissing partner not to go any further.
Use different techniques to keep things simmering; not boiling.
Once you've found a place to get comfortable, don't start going to town immediately. The point is to build things up, not to get you both immediately worked up and frustrated. If there's a move that you know gets your lover's heart racing (like earlobe nibbling or lip biting), do it, but only for a split second. Then get back to the kissing. Maybe kiss around their lips for a little bit, then come back to the main attraction. And don't be frantic about any of it. If you sense that control is being lost, just slow your own pace ,and your partner will most likely follow. Also, it's very important that the furthest south the kissing goes is the collarbone. Do I really need to explain why?
Remember the importance of embrace...
Nothing feels more comforting than being in the arms of the one you love. Personally, few things get me hotter when my boyfriend and I are kissing than when he places both hands on my face. It just feels so intimate - as though I'm the only one on Earth that he's ever kissed like that. Yes, I know that's not true (yes, it is!), but there's nothing wrong with feeding the fantasy. So, run your fingers through your partner's hair, caress their faces, touch their lips and pull them closer to you.
But also remember the importance of not touching.
Obviously, this kissing-only outing is not going to last if you're both groping each other's privates. Try to keep the fondling to the arms, neck, back and shoulders. If your mate is trying to go for the gold, simply move his or her hand elsewhere. The best move for this is to take the wandering hand and just entwine it with yours, or maybe turn it into a playful restraint situation by taking both of their hands and gently pinning them with your own, above the head or to the sides.
Try getting things started when you know you or your partner have to go somewhere soon.
That guarantees (for the most part - I've not discounted quickies) a stopping point without anyone's feelings getting hurt. It also gives you that revved up, "I can't wait to get back home" feeling that can make for some pretty explosive sexual encounters later.
Mostly, just have fun.
Again, this is to improve your love life, not restrict it. Obviously, if you're feeling it, then you should do whatever makes you feel good. Or if you know that your partner will be taken aback by not "closing the deal," then teasingly whisper that you're trying to get them hot and bothered so that when you do make love later, it will be better than ever.
So there you have it - a simple blueprint for Makeout City. Whether or not you use these particular techniques, kissing your own sweet baboo (and no, that's not a euphemism for any body part) will enrich and enliven your relationship. Not to mention, it will assure your partner that you love them and lets them know that, regardless of the longevity of your twosome, you are still attracted to them. Now, go load up on lip balm, turn on the radio, and get to smooching!
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